Making Friends & Nurturing Connections in The Modern World
It's still possible to get out there!
The GCC exists to promote quality and ethical coaching practices, build meaningful connections with peers, and provide inclusive support for coaches across the world. We offer resources, activities, conversations, and collaboration needed for coaches to thrive.
In our earlier article, The 4 People You Need, it was suggested that you create a support chart. You clearly need a circle of friends. However, sometimes, this can seem daunting. Friendship-building systems are an integral part of our early life — From preschool through university — But they tend to disappear once we reach adulthood. We enter the workplace or get married and have children, we have less free time and no longer have a built-in system.
A recent article in The Atlantic cites a Bureau of Labor Statistics study indicating that people are spending 20% less time together from 2003 to 2023. One factor is that more people are delaying marriage and increasingly focusing on work for up to ten years post-school, leaving them with fewer leisure hours to devote to friendship. They are also spending fewer hours helping others and more time watching television or being with their pets.
Until the 1960s, there was an increase in opportunities to get together. Church affiliations were growing, and most churches held regular coffee hours and activities. Unions had regular meetings and hosted member events. Parents — primarily women— met while waiting for their children after school or on school committees or the Parents’ Association. There were Block Associations. These were all opportunities to build sustainable social connections.
Making and keeping friends has also become more complicated. In addition to fewer opportunities to meet new people, our busier lives mean we have less time. As we age, we become less likely to open up easily. We may fear rejection, and we also may become more selective about new relationships. It can be hard to get accepted into existing social circles. Finally, finding people with shared experiences can be more challenging.
Yes, this can seem daunting, but don’t give up! Here are some ways to meet new people:
Become a Volunteer. Find something you’re already interested in and volunteer. There are so many opportunities: Working with school-age children through programs like Big Brothers and Big Sisters, joining an organization that provides mentoring, supporting a charity, reading at a library, preparing and delivering meals, or cuddling babies in a hospital, and many more. It’s easy to cultivate relationships with like-minded volunteers.
Join a gym and take classes. If you attend a class at the same time every week, you will build a circle of prospective friends. If you don’t like gyms, try yoga or dance classes. I have a cousin who made new long-term friends in her adult tap class.
Attend a church, temple, mosque or other spiritual group. Shop around until you find a spiritual home where you feel welcome and comfortable.
Take college classes. There are special adult programs at many colleges and universities. Talking about the reading is a good way to find new relationships.
Take specialized classes. Learn to paint, sculpt, blow glass, make pottery, or cook.
Join a dinner group.
Sign up for discount theater programs like the Theater Development Fund. These organizations often get blocks of tickets so that you end up sitting with the same people and can more easily start conversations. You can also join a group of acquaintances and meet before or after the show for a discussion.
Find a book club. It’s a great way to learn more about people as well as books.
Join a special-focus or special-interest group. These range from walking, running, and biking groups to women or men’s groups.
Get a plot in a community garden. It’s a great place to meet and interact with your neighbors.
Find a performing group. You don’t have to act; there are plenty of other roles you can play.
Although there’s some disagreement about this, it’s possible that some of our social needs can be met through virtual connections. Organizations like the GCC offer book clubs and open chat hours. Some groups, formed to create support and connection during COVID, continue to meet. In one group, we created a video to support one member who was too ill to come on the calls.
Support groups often grow out of programs, where group discussions that are part of the course develop into close bonds that last long after the program ends. I’m in one with three other women who live too far apart to meet in person. We combine regular check-ins and support with less regular business development calls.
I’ve been in a women’s group for more than fifteen years. We met in person for many years until three members moved away. We transferred to Zoom so that we could continue to meet. We’ve supported one woman through her husband’s descent into dementia and death, another through issues with her university’s department, and many other challenges. We meet in person with some members who spend time in New York City, but our primary connection remains online.
If you can reach a high degree of openness and mutual support, virtual groups may be part of your overall connection plan. It simply shouldn’t be your only friendship connection.
Finally, a few thoughts on maintaining friendships. We all need to nurture our relationships. Find time to reach out to your friends. Put it on your calendar if you need to. Connect. Reconnect. Your friends want to hear from you. Schedule “play dates” with your local friends. When you get together, eliminate all distractions. Be focused. Be present. Be open to changes, both in them and in you, and adjust long-term relationships to reflect where you both are in life. There may be times when you don’t seem in sync, so you will want to search for new points of connection. You are evolving and changing; so are your relationships. Finally, be there for your friends. Let them know that they are loved and supported.
Reference: The Anti-Social Century. Derek Thompson, January 8, 2025
 | A guest post by
|