The Power of Being Coachable
Getting Over Yourself Is Good For You!
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I was 23 in my first upper-management role when I said something that infuriated our CEO. It was something he took as sarcastic criticism, though I meant nothing of the sort. My words that day nearly cost me a job I loved and desperately needed. What saved me wasn't clever excuses or begging for forgiveness, but something much simpler: a willingness to be coached. I wondered how I could have said what I felt needed to be said, but better. I immediately asked for feedback, leaned in for a course correction, and absorbed every bit of uncomfortable commentary barked indelicately my way. I could have died on the hill of "I know what I meant, and you know I’d never say something like what you’re mad about," but instead, this moment taught me the most valuable professional skill I've ever developed: coachability.
Let's be real—we've all been there. Desperately wanting to improve at something while simultaneously arguing with the person trying to help us. "That's not how I do it!" we protest, as if our current approach is working wonders (and we know it isn't).
Welcome to the human condition, where we want different results without changing our behavior. It's like repeatedly ordering the same disappointing meal at a restaurant but expecting it to taste amazing the next time. Spoiler alert: it won't. The alternative? Learn to be coachable.
What Is This "Coachability" Thing Anyway?
Coachability is your willingness and ability to listen to someone who wants you to succeed, whether they know more than you about something specific, understand people better, or simply offer different perspectives on your situation. But it goes beyond just listening; it's about actually implementing changes based on this feedback. Revolutionary concept, I know.
As leadership coach Corry Robertson puts it, it's "a person's willingness to embrace the opportunity to improve." Or in plain English: can you handle someone pointing out that you're not perfect without having an ego-driven need to lash out?
A coachable person:
Listens for content, instead of only listening for 'their turn' to talk and mentally preparing their counterpoint.
Doesn't take feedback as a personal attack on their entire existence.
Doesn't take what they think or feel too seriously. They're open to the idea that sometimes thoughts and feelings are just passing through, and not commandments to be followed.
Actually tries the new approaches, even when they are afraid or uncomfortable. (even when no one's watching!)
Doesn't blame the dog for eating their homework. The problem isn't always 'them', whoever 'them' is.
Is willing to look carefully at multiple perspectives of themselves, and their actions. And they can admit when they were wrong (the horror!)
The Awkward Moment When Data Confirms You're the Problem
Here's where things get uncomfortable. Research shows your stubborn resistance to coaching might be sabotaging your entire career, all your relationships, and your overall trajectory in life. Oops!
According to Zenger Folkman's comprehensive leadership research (published in "The New Leadership Frontier: Coachability"), leaders who ranked lowest in coachability were stuck in the bottom 10% of leadership effectiveness. Meanwhile, the most coachable leaders soared to the 90th percentile. But sure, keep insisting your way is best.
Even worse, teams led by coaching-resistant leaders had engagement levels of just 26%—meaning three-quarters of their employees had mentally checked out. Teams with coachable leaders? 78% engagement. Your refusal to take advice isn't just hurting you; it's making everyone around you miserable too.
Perhaps the most painfully relatable finding: coachability naturally declines with age and seniority. By age 55, most leaders drop to the 40th percentile in coachability. It seems the more successful we get, the more we believe our own hype. This makes us most vulnerable as we’re often stepping into new phases of our life. As Jim Clemmer warns, "Your most coachable days may be behind you." Ouch. But neuroscience to the rescue! The reality is that even if you’re getting more locked into your perspective about yourself, and life, you CAN change throughout your entire life! (Whew!)
The Irony of Success: The Better You Get, The More You Need Coaching
Here's a fun paradox: the higher you climb, the more you need coaching, yet the less likely you are to accept it. It's like deciding you no longer need a map right when you enter the most complex part of the forest.
Take Zach Banner's story for example. Banner, a former USC offensive tackle, had relied on his sheer size to dominate at lower levels of football. Yet, his weight became a serious issue for NFL scouts. Teams want sturdy players to protect the quarterback but believe too many extra pounds on an offensive tackle ensure his knees will fail, making him less durable and valuable. It was suggested Banner trim down, ditching the extra size in favor of longevity. Banner had a choice: rely on what had worked for him previously or open himself to being coachable. He wisely chose the latter and was selected in the fourth round of the 2017 Draft by the Colts.
Meanwhile, we mere mortals will argue with a professional trainer about proper squat form while our knees sound like Rice Krispies.
Why We're Allergic to Feedback
Not all feedback is created equal. First, “You’re stupid and everyone knows that’s not the way to do that!” isn’t feedback. Real feedback is a rare thing and it’s one of the skills coaches are excellent at. They aren’t interested in being right, or knowing the best way, they are interested in what works best for YOU. So, most of us, who haven’t had the experience of real coaching, perceive feedback as nasty comments in an unsafe environment, and that’s sadly often the reality of it.
So, first we have to find a great feedback source and a safe environment! Of course, this is going to be your coach and the coaching relationship.
Next, our resistance to coaching comes from some hilariously predictable human quirks:
Our fragile egos: "How dare you suggest I'm not already perfect at this thing I just started learning?" For example, the new employee who bristles when shown a more efficient way to complete a task.
The self-made myth: We love the fantasy that successful people magically figured everything out alone. BTW, I promise, they didn't. Even Steve Jobs had mentors.
The expertise trap: "I've been doing this for 15 years!" (Doing it poorly for 15 years, but that's beside the point.) Like the veteran salesperson who refuses to try new techniques despite declining results. Being an expert for the last decade doesn’t mean you will be for the next decade. That feat takes work.
The authority illusion: "I'm the boss now, so clearly I know everything!" (Said every "Worst Boss" ever.) Imagine the newly promoted manager who stops asking for input because they fear it shows weakness.
It's like we believe admitting we don't know something, or aren't good at it, will trigger some sort of global alert system:
"ATTENTION EVERYONE! JOYCE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY COMMUNICATE HER NEEDS TO HER HUSBAND! PLEASE ADJUST YOUR OPINIONS ACCORDINGLY!"
How to Stop Being Your Own Biggest Roadblock
Want to join the elite ranks of the coachable? Here's your game plan:
Accept that you're not a finished product: Think of yourself as a perpetual work-in-progress, like road construction in New Jersey, which is never actually complete. When I began tracking my leadership skills in a journal, I was shocked to see how many areas needed improvement—and how satisfying it was to note progress.
Listen like your success depends on it: Because it does. Put down your mental rebuttal notepad and actually hear what's being said. Try this: After receiving feedback, summarize it back before responding to ensure you're truly hearing the message.
Set actual targets: "Get better" isn't a good target. "Increase my sales calls by 20% this month" is. Be specific and measurable, or you're just daydreaming. One coachable leader I know sets a quarterly "coachability goal" with concrete actions to implement from recent feedback.
Embrace the suck: Growth is uncomfortable. If it were comfortable, everyone would be amazing at everything. We know this is not how it is, right? Growth is uncomfortable, as it should be. Remember learning to drive? Awkward and stressful at first, but necessary for the skill.
Ask for feedback proactively: Don't wait for your annual review to discover you've been annoying everyone for 12 months. Like how I sensed if I waited till 'tomorrow' to ask for feedback after my disastrous meeting, I probably wouldn't have a job.
Find your coach-match: Not everyone who offers to guide you is qualified to do it. Find someone who knows their stuff, cares about your development, and doesn't make you want to fake a phone call when you see them coming. The best coaches in my career challenged me but also genuinely believed in my potential. I could tell them anything and they just kept leaning me into my best.
The Bottom Line: Evolve or Become a Cautionary Tale
Here's the brutal truth: in our rapidly changing world, refusing to be coachable is like bringing a rotary phone to an iPhone fight. You're going to lose, and everyone will post embarrassing photos of your outdated equipment on social media.
Whether you're an athlete dreaming of a scholarship, a new graduate climbing the corporate ladder, or a seasoned executive trying to stay relevant, your coachability may be the single biggest factor in your success.
As leadership expert John Eades puts it, "One's ability to put ego and pride aside and be coachable is often the difference between success and failure."
Staying in "This is just who and how I am" isn't always about being true to yourself. Many times it's a shield to protect yourself from realizing you actually are the issue blocking up your life.
Remember: if you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done. And that might start with admitting you don't have all the answers. Terrifying, I know—but so is being stuck exactly where you are forever.
Your Turn to Take Action
This week, identify one area where you've been resistant to grow, change, or press forward to the next level, and really look at it. Now, decide if you’re going to be coachable, or not. Really, just allow yourself to make the choice. After all, the most successful people aren't those who never make mistakes; they're the ones who learn from them fastest. Always be a learner!
NOTE: This article was created as a part of the GCC’s participation in the International Coaching Federation’s INTERNATIONAL COACHING WEEK, from May 12-18.
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