Facing The Fear of Rejection
The Way Forward
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Life can sometimes feel like a constant battle against fear. Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of the unknown. And don’t get me started on the fear of spiders – ewww!
While fear serves the evolutionary purpose of keeping us safe, more often it simply holds us back. Unaddressed fears prevent us from pursuing our dreams, taking risks, and living to our full potential. Unaddressed fears keep us stuck or send us scurrying the other way!
However, the evidence shows the only way past fear is through it, even when avoiding what makes you afraid may offer temporary comfort. In the long run, avoidance traps you in stagnation.
One of the most common fears, especially related to some areas you may be facing right now, is the fear of rejection. And, let me tell you, when I say it is common – I mean it is SUPER COMMON.
Many people desire to become entrepreneurs! Many desire to paint, to write, or to be in a loving relationship, and yet they deny themselves even the first step in the journey to get there because of a fear of rejection. This avoidance can keep the individual frozen for decades! Sometimes even their whole lives, and that is incredibly sad.
So, let’s look at some ways you might want to face your fear of rejection if it’s got a tight grip on you, and it keeps you from moving forward the way you would like.
Check the context of the rejection you fear: If you are selling cars, or meeting people through online dating, rejection can be as common as shaking hands! The very context of the environment is teeming with potential for rejection. Keep this in mind and consider that in this space, rejection is GOING to happen, and is likely to happen a lot. But the counterpoint is, in this context, rejection means a lot less than in other situations. Balance your expectations with the reality of the circumstance.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): Identify and challenge irrational negative thoughts about rejection. CBT techniques can be very effective in dismantling old, limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Build your self-confidence: Boost your self-worth so it's not tied to external validation. Aim to accept yourself even if you get rejected. Work on your mindset so you feel that even if a rejection comes your way, you still feel confident about who you are and the intrinsic value you possess.
Share your vulnerability: Open up to trusted friends about your fears to reduce shame and anxiety. Shining some light on it, in a safe environment, can help you embrace where you are with less resistance. Less resistance helps you take action more easily.
Reflect on past successes: Deconstruct your past wins. Look for the skills, actions, thoughts, and habits that helped you get there. Learn from what you notice and remember that all those characteristics are still within you.
Develop a worst-case scenario backup plan: What if the biggest proposal of your career does get rejected? What will you do in that moment? Don’t try and develop a whole life backup plan, instead focus on the immediate moments after the possible rejection. Will you take a big breath, walk about to your office, and close the door? Will you respond with a few well-thought-out words? Will you allow yourself to gracefully exit the building and go get ice cream? Having a plan for the moments after a potential rejection can often create a drop in the strength of the fear.
These are just a few ways to do some work facing your fear of rejection, or any fear for that matter! Go and give it a try – let us know how you do!
